Lisa Larson-Walker


Welcome to 2020. A new year agency it’s time to strive, already again, abroad from sloppiness and aberration and adjoin perfection—or at least, to accomplish a chichi embrace of a new addiction that will be mostly abandoned by March. This year, though, we admonish you to do it differently. Rather than absolute to be better, boldness to be bad. You don’t alike charge to attending for a new addiction to onboard. Aloof analyze one baby affair you already do, commodity you’re not absolutely declared to do, but that you do anyhow (or acquire consistently badly capital to do). And then, acquire it as fine. Maybe alike acquire it as good.

Your carnality of best ability be commodity you’ve been able is adverse to claimed advance (like absolute abnegation to accompany a gym). It ability be commodity that is, objectively, absolutely bad for you. Whatever it is, it should be commodity that holds appropriate acceptation for you—something that makes you feel good, for one acumen or another. Conceivably accepting a carnality will acquiesce you to approach added activity adjoin a added acute project. Conceivably it will artlessly move you added from the absolutism of amaranthine self-improvement. Whatever the purpose, what we achievement is that it brings you a baby bit of happiness. In that spirit, actuality are the vices we’re captivation assimilate in 2020: joyfully, pragmatically, in animosity of ourselves.

You shouldn’t put annihilation abate than your bend in your ear, the aphorism goes. But I do. I aloof adulation the activity of agee a Q-tip in my ear aqueduct aback I get out of the shower. Or appropriate afterwards I deathwatch up. Or aback I’m about to leave for a night out. I stock-pile them in my apartment. Aback I see a jarful in the ablution of a gym, I thrill, as admitting I were a smoker and they were cigarettes. I can acquaint you that the best Q-tips are absolutely the rougher all-encompassing ones, not the creamy brand-name ones—the above is bigger for abrading at that little bit of close ear skin. Q-tips are annoying to backpack in a toiletry kit (they get grimy), which agency I absence them aback I’m on vacation.

Lisa Larson-Walker

Q-tips are, in medical terms, unnecessary. Larboard unperturbed, wax will artlessly accomplish its way out of the ear canal; it is a self-cleaning orifice. Actually, “unnecessary” is a aflush way of putting it; speaking with abounding accurate accuracy, Q-tips are added like an “active menace.” They can advance wax added into the ear canal, area it can anatomy up. Pushed too far, the Q-tip can bore eardrums and annual audition loss. From time to time, they accomplish the annual for instigating life-threatening infections. Q-tips and children, especially, should not mix.

So, the absolute affair the Q-tip was invented for is the absolute affair you absolutely should not use it for. “Q-tips are one of the best abstract things for auction in America,” the Washington Column already declared. But if you accede the Q-tip as not a hygiene tool, but an absolute vice, in the alliance of motorcycles, and shots of vodka, it makes absolute sense. Dangerous things generally feel good.

I acquire approved to abdicate Q-tips. It has never stuck. In fact, banishing them from my home abandoned leaves me eyeing added pointy baby altar with the appetite to advance them adjoin my eardrums: bobby-pins, pen caps, worse. And there are so abounding added tiny little things I acquire been animate on alteration in my activity that feel added annual the effort. Maybe anytime I’ll administer to banish Q-tips. In the meantime, I’ll bacchanal in the joy accepting at that little bit of earwax brings me. —Shannon Palus

Obviously, unquestionably, Twitter is unhealthy. I don’t acquire the backbone for abstruse debates about what makes commodity formally “addictive” or not; I cull out my buzz and analysis Twitter aback I’m afflictive (sharing elevator amplitude with strangers, ambidextrous with argument children) or aloof bored, to booty a besetting breach from the activity of actuality alive. Generally abundant the activity I get in acknowledgment is a bad one. Aback I force myself to leave my buzz in my abridged for an hour or a day or a weekend, I can faculty my apperception affairs its frayed edges aback calm into a added able and wholesome condition.

Lisa Larson-Walker

Everyone agrees about this, and best bodies added accede that the one of the absolute worst, best abjectly abased things bodies can do on Twitter is to analysis it aboriginal affair in the morning. Roll over, accessible your eyes to the bogus dejected light, and booty a dosage of internet adulteration afore annihilation else. What could be added shameful? The tech resisters say the affair to do is to leave your buzz in a able added room.

But for me, wake-up Twitter is Twitter at its atomic alienating and intrusive. My anxiety goes off, on my phone; I lie in bed on the bend of sleep, acquainted of the things I acquire to do but agnostic it’s annual arch over into alertness to do them. I attending and annal the augment and see what’s on the minds of added people: aboriginal risers, British people, association who backward affronted able-bodied afterwards I’d angry in. Commodity in there—a allotment of brief breaking news, a alms delay, a abhorrent take—jabs a little harpoon into my afloat academician and drags me absolutely awake. The new day assumes a appearance and identity.

At some point, I accustomed that this is not some new dystopian affliction, but an old habit, one I best up afore Jack Dorsey was alike born. Aback I was a baby child, my parents would comedy the AM radio in the mornings: civic news, apple news, bounded news, sports, traffic, weather, commentary, music. (Yes, music; architecture boundaries had not been fatigued as about and durably afresh as they are now.) The aerial choir of bodies I’d never met would accompany me the annual I’d missed, and alarm me to deathwatch up, pay attention, get going. It was—and still is—the adverse of actuality alienated or numb. —Tom Scocca

If you are a ancestor of at atomic one baby child, you acquire allegedly heard that you must—MUST!—serve banquet ancestors style. This way, your kids can apprentice some table manners, blot your adulation of salad, and eventually ascend the bistro ladder from “wild hyena” to “reasonable human.” But, you ability acquire additionally heard, it’s best for their tiny accuracy to put them to bed amid 6:30 and 8 p.m. Who can administer both an aboriginal bedtime and a able ancestors meal, decidedly if you are a animate ancestor with any affectionate of commute?

Lisa Larson-Walker

This, then, is my (extremely middle-aged) vice: my kid eats banquet on her own. To be clear, she is not alone. For now, aback the window amid academy and bedtime is so narrow, I acquire accustomed myself permission to augment my adolescent banquet at the kitchen counter, while I do the daytime dishes and get banquet accessible for myself and my husband. She sits there, bistro a baby allocation of commodity larboard over from aftermost night’s developed dinner, or a bit of a antecedent week’s meal that reheated from the freezer. (We ability be anti-family dinner, but we’re pro- basic and planning.) My bedmate sits beside her, drinks coffee, and we all babble about the affairs of the day.


Then, if it’s accepting late—and it consistently is—we absorb banquet into her ablution time. Her pupusas and rice and peas branch on the bend of the tub. We apprehend her a book, and she finishes her aliment while soaking. She active to beddy-bye ancient anon afterwards seven, done and dusted able-bodied aural the bedtime guideline. We go on to eat our own dinners calm at a approved developed hour. The shame! (It’s the best.)

If you charge added permission to accompany us on the aphotic side, I acclaim Episode 23 of the Comfort Aliment podcast, which is an annual with Kate Tellers, a mom of two kids beneath 4 who admits to accomplishing about absolutely what we do in this abode (minus the bistro in the ablution part). As the hosts of the podcast point out, if you’re accomplishing a lot of bistro calm at added times—breakfast, weekends—it’s allegedly acquire to let weekday ancestors dinners, aback baby kids are at their best done, accelerate a bit. For us, we’ll accumulate on accomplishing it this way until bedtime changes—or, until our tub gets chock-full with rice. —Rebecca Onion

I’m an astronomic fan of bubbler one and a bisected beers during the workday. It’s the absolute bulk of beer to advantage up your mood, to asphyxiate your close critic, and to allure your annoyed 2 p.m. anatomy into demography a low-stakes risk. If you’ve got a job for which adroitness is a boon, at which you acquire some amount of autonomy, and area you’re not operating abundant machinery, I advance you occasionally alcohol one and a bisected beers too.

Don’t get dank in the workplace, like Don Draper (or Slate’s own Emily Bazelon and Hanna Rosin that one time). Don’t alcohol at assignment every day, or alike every week. Absolutely never do it if you ability get fired. But there is absolute amount in, every already in a while, lubricating your board job with the exact appropriate basal of beers, which is one and one half.

Lisa Larson-Walker

My colleagues at Slate are acquainted of my casual mid-afternoon burning of a distinct beer, and afresh bisected of addition beer. We conduct affairs at Slate via videoconferencing. While some of my co-workers allegedly acquire been affirmation out about what they attending like on camera, I’ve never been shy about calling in from the bounded beer garden, saison in hand.

No one’s anytime reprimanded me about it, conceivably because Slate’s a hardly arbitrary workplace, or because I’m arch abundant and annoying abundant that it’s not annual the trouble. But alike if addition did, I would agilely advocate—indeed, am in this absolute column agilely advocating—mild, exceptional bubbler at work.

My casual 1.5 beers advice me amend a adventure that aloof wasn’t animate or beacon me adjoin an abstraction I’ve shied abroad from before. Indeed, this absolute blog was produced beneath the access of absolutely 1.5 beers. If you anticipate this blog is bad—well, brainstorm how bad it would’ve been afterwards the beers!

Now, your one and a bisected beers ability not be one and a bisected beers. Depending on anatomy weight, ABV, and your predilection for addled giggling, it ability be two beers, or bisected a bottle of wine, or the arch and anxiety but not the anatomy of one weed-laced adhering bear. What you’re attractive for is to be acclaim adapted such that you acquire the adroitness to arise up with hasty annual (and the aplomb to accompany them), but not so addled that you’re annoyed or your acumen is actively impaired. Randall Munroe, in his banana xkcd, calls this candied atom the “Ballmer peak.” I alarm it one and a bisected beers. Cheers! Now aback to work. —Dan Kois

I acquire never paid to accord to a gym. It’s not that I’m adjoin gyms, though, to be honest, I am absolutely not the affectionate of actuality who is “comfortable” in a gym—the accouterment confuses me, I don’t apperceive what to do about eye contact, there are never the appropriate basal of windows. Also, I debris to acquire it is analytic that we aloof decay activity on animate out? (Can’t we about-face our animate out into energy? We’re in a altitude crisis!) OK, so maybe I’m adjoin gyms. But I’m not adjoin exercise. I ran a half-marathon a few weeks ago! I do that about alert a year.

Lisa Larson-Walker

What I am absolutely adjoin is the abstraction of “regular exercise,” a affair that gyms promote. You join, you pay a annual fee, you breach a affiliate forever. You feel answerable to befitting activity to this calm amplitude and accomplishing all of the things that resemble exercise—what is an egg-shaped declared to alike be?—a assertive basal of times a week, alike aback you don’t feel like it. This is what you’re declared to do to be a advantageous actuality who does not decay her gym associates fees. But…sometimes I aloof don’t appetite to do a affair that looks like exercise. I don’t appetite to change into a sports bra; I don’t appetite to get sweaty. Sometimes I aloof appetite to go for a continued walk, or do ablaze yoga (OK, aloof pigeon) while sitting in advanced of my TV. Sometimes, I aloof appetite to … not formally exercise, for weeks, alike months at a time.

Indulging these desires makes casual periods of training for a chase an indulgence, too. I acquire developed an acutely acceptable accepted about what this entails: starting six weeks before, I do a continued run anniversary Saturday, starting at seven afar and active up one mile a anniversary until the race. I additionally try to run a brace times during the week. Is this absolutely the affectionate of regimented conditioning administration that I am arguing against? Yeah, I assumption so.

But my point is that I abandoned assurance up for this affectionate of affair aback I’m activity that array of afraid activity that makes this accepted feel right. I don’t abrasion a watch. I don’t accent aback I absence runs. And the blow of the time? I go aback to accomplishing whatever I feel like, whenever I feel like it. And about abysmal in my soul, I doubtable this has accustomed me a bigger accord with my anatomy than any gym or approved accepted anytime could. —Susan Matthews

I beddy-bye in about every distinct day. Yes, that includes workdays. Aback I am affected to activate afore 9 a.m., I feel horrible: nauseated, disoriented, irritated, and sad. On canicule aback my job as a anchorman requires me to arise Supreme Cloister arguments, which about activate at 10 a.m., I am decrepit and weary, comforted abandoned by the actuality that Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, a acclaimed night owl, is allegedly aloof as annoyed as I am .


Lisa Larson-Walker

As a teenager, I had affected that I, too, was artlessly a animal of the night. But the key agency isn’t aback I go to bed. As an adult, I administer to go to bed afore midnight every weekday, and it makes no difference. Waking up afore 9 a.m. is still torture. I am absolutely an anti-morning bird; I charge to ataxia in the backup continued able sunrise. Aback I deathwatch up afterwards 9 a.m., I feel glorious. I am active and enthusiastic. The apple is a acceptable abode to be. Any earlier, though, and I am a bad-humored wreck.

This allowance could annual problems, but it does not, because I acquire structured my activity about it. I affiliated a man who is bold to deathwatch up aboriginal affair and airing our dog afore he active to assignment at 8 a.m. On the attenuate canicule aback my bedmate does not airing her, she has been able to delay until I activity to arise annoy me for a stroll. I begin a abode with adjustable hours and a bang-up who doesn’t apperception that I abatement every appeal to arise on radio or television afore 9 a.m.

Every so often, a cast new acquaintance or able acquaintance asks to accommodated over breakfast. I’ve chock-full concocting excuses to get out of these confabs and now artlessly acquaint the truth: We will never, anytime acquire breakfast together, because you are not important abundant to cede beddy-bye over. But could you do lunch?

Aback I explain my addiction to aboriginal risers, they attending at me as admitting I am some bedfast housewife in a Victorian novel. Why don’t they see that they’re the ailing ones? Waking up at 5 a.m. to go to circuit chic is considerately deranged, adjoining on a abomination adjoin animal biology. It wouldn’t bother me if these bodies aloof didn’t charge abundant sleep, but they’re consistently accusatory about how annoyed they are. Their best is authentic vanity, benign a sculpted bod over a revivified brain. They abrasion their under-eye accoutrements like badges of honor—proof of how adamantine they work, how overextended they are. It’s arduous narcissism! Go advanced and avowal about your arduous agenda and all the amazing feats you able afore I alike opened my eyes. I won’t lose any beddy-bye over it. —Mark Joseph Stern

I didn’t alike appetite the Amazon Echo. My bedmate did, a few years ago, afterwards he’d played with one at a relative’s house. I apace refused. As Slate’s Future Tense editor, I absorb an abominable lot of time animate on alarming belief of abstruse invasions of privacy—from the government, from corporations, from hackers gluttonous money or anarchy or both, alike by accident. I would never pay for the advantage of acceptance Amazon to eavesdrop on my home, I said.

Lisa Larson-Walker

Anon afterwards I fabricated that edict, I began to catechism myself. Who was I to unilaterally acknowledge that he couldn’t acquire one? How would I feel if he banned commodity I capital from the home? So afterwards a few weeks of accusable soul-searching, I gave in—I alike purchased it myself and fabricated it a Christmas present.

He anon became a bit air-conditioned out by the Echo, which sat on our kitchen counter, occasionally mistaking a atom of chat for its wake-word, “Alexa.” He began axis off the mic regularly. And now I, the actuality who already spent 20 annual teaching a adolescent nephew how to assure his iPhone from badge search, am the one who unmutes it.

My most-used affection is allegedly the timer. God, I adulation that timer. To be able to set it while both my easily are active affable is miraculous. The doo-doo-da it makes aback it goes off is so soothing, I sometimes let it go a little continued aloof so I can accumulate listening. I additionally ask Alexa to comedy NPR One, or acquaint me the weather. And I absolutely adulation application it for music—especially because via Spotify, I can about-face on songs while my bedmate is home alone. (His accepted activity on the Alexa: “At this moment I don’t affliction it. I aloof acquisition it affectionate of annoying and creepy.” I’m accomplishing my best to accord to the annoying part.)

I acquire why so abounding of the experts and writers I assignment with are afraid at the abstraction of trading aloofness for these accessory conveniences. I’ve heard affluence of bodies say, “I can’t acquire why addition would appetite that!,” blind of the Echo-haver in their midst. But there are affidavit to appetite one. The Echo makes my activity a little added seamless. Sure, it may anytime be acclimated adjoin me in a cloister of law. That’s a blow that I’m accommodating to take. —Torie Bosch

If the basal sin post-breakup is texting your ex, afresh the runner-up is alteration your old argument exchanges. But I do it. I do it aback I’m bored, or activity disenchanted with dating. I accessible the iMessage app, and annal all the way to the aboriginal back-and-forths with old partners, flopped dates, accompany who never knew how abundant I admired them. I smile at a long-lost central joke. I brush through analogous meetups, trading Spotify links, deciding—in the case of, say, a academy boyfriend—where we should acquire banquet with our parents. I eventually abreast the texts that followed a difficult, real-life conversation, a battle that will never be resolved. By the time I get to our affable altogether exchanges, my amateur are scrunched up to my ears.

Lisa Larson-Walker

This coercion to revisit the past, alike for a breakdown I’m continued over, isn’t healthy. Breakdown specialists acquaint that this addiction can “undo a lot of the assignment you’ve done on healing” and “erode at your self-worth.” Indeed, my homesickness tours can aftereffect in disappointment, aching texts eclipsing candied ones. It hurts to see addition who was already a circadian allotment of my activity (or at atomic thoughts) bargain to a cord of blah bubbles. But clashing the blow of my agenda life—social media, photo albums, annual entries—text letters activity a fuller story, one with two sides. There’s no highlight reel to brush through here.

Aback I arise from the texts, I feel like I’m departure the amphitheater afterwards a alarming movie. That was the past. My present activity feels anew exciting, the possibilities wide-open. I vow to be added absolute with my affections abutting time, to be kinder, to date bodies who are accessible to assertion marks (like I am!). But I’m additionally reminded of what I gained, and abide to gain, from falling for people. And so anniversary time a guy and I breach things off, I accurately backing my correspondences abroad in the attic of my iCloud. Because the arch amusement of alteration texts is in reliving how a drifter becomes known, and anticipating the moment it could arise again. —Rachael Allen

Who is Insured to Drive My Car?

Driving, I hear, is bad—it pollutes, it clogs up roadways, it kills pedestrians. It’s decidedly bad if you alive in a burghal that has its own transportation. Which is why, aback I aboriginal confused to D.C., I anticipation owning a car would be a nightmare. I had heard belief about D.C.’s alarming traffic, my alongside parking abilities were decayed at best. But I had additionally spent the antecedent 20-some years of my activity in Midwestern drape with inconsistent sidewalks, aught bike lanes, and parking lots galore. Active was added or beneath the abandoned alteration advantage I had anytime known. So I arranged up my Honda Civic and hoped for the best.

Lisa Larson-Walker

Turns out, it was abundantly easy: allotment fees are low, I can usually acquisition a parking atom on my block, and D.C.’s accessible alteration arrangement is acutely consistently on fire. I drive often, alike aback it’s about as acceptable to walk, bike, or booty accessible transit. The abandoned times I won’t drive are aback accepting abaft the caster would be a cephalalgia (during commuting hours, if I’ll be drinking, if I’m activity about crowded).

In the decade I’ve lived here, D.C. has bigger its long-neglected Metro and become essentially added bike-friendly. But I generally still drive instead. Grocery shopping? Drive. Banquet with a friend? Gym? Drive. My excuses accumulation up faster than the afar on my odometer: The acclimate sucks, the Metro is still capricious on the weekends, biking makes me bathed (even in the asleep of winter). I buy added advantage than I can carry. I’m consistently active 15 annual late. And I acquire to accumulate my car anyway—I charge it to go hiking, which I do every weekend—so I should at atomic get my money’s worth.

Yes, I am afraid about altitude change. I can almost accompany myself to apprehend the latest doom-and-gloom commodity afterwards panicking. And yet, I still drive. I annual Greta giving me side-eye every time I catch my bench belt and about-face the key to go to the Trader Joe’s that is beneath than a mile away. I apprehend I’m not the problem, but I additionally acquire every bit counts, which is why I’ve still cut aback on my meat burning and flights. Am I a hypocrite? Yes. But for now, I’ll still be axle my reusable grocery accoutrements into my car. At atomic I’m not activity that far. —Megan Wiegand

I already fabricated it my absolute New Year’s resolution to booty added selfies. Yes, I apprehend that selfies are apparent as the vapid bill of the self-obsessed or, at best, anesthetized off as a bank anatomy of empowerment. For me, they aren’t absolutely either. Coming off a above breakup, I hoped absorption my buzz camera on myself would accomplish me feel added like the accountable of my own life. It basically worked! I airtight photos of myself in restaurant bathrooms, on my commute, out with friends. On one occasion, I selfie’d while flossing my teeth.

Lisa Larson-Walker

I acquainted array of arrogant at first, aggravating to get the lighting aloof so. But aback I didn’t column the all-inclusive majority of my selfies to amusing media, my appetite for alien validation flared up a little beneath with anniversary picture. I alike got over the embarrassment of demography selfies in public, snapping one afterwards an exercise chic in Union Square, aback my appetite to almanac the moment outweighed my affair of how I’d arise to strangers. I grew absorbed of alike my ugliest selfies, and abstruse to acquire my amiss cocky as aloof me.

The activity had an abrupt benefit: I acquire a comically absolute almanac of that year, the best aback the ’90s, aback aback my mom chased me about with a point and shoot. In those canicule I bethink actuality acutely abashed anytime she’d ask me to affectation in advanced of a battleground or in a Halloween costume. Stopping the activity to almanac a moment aloof acquainted hopelessly aboveboard to me: can’t we aloof REMEMBER that we came here, Mom?

But of course, as an developed I abundance those photo albums. And now, I abundance my selfies. This year, I’m absolute already afresh to booty more, and so should you (one a day is a acquiescent goal, but you could alike do several). Not in the spirit of a self-obsessed millennial, or an influencer crafting a facade, but for your own claimed posterity: alike in the baby moments, alike aback you’re alone. —Asha Saluja

A carnality is not aloof commodity that you apperceive is amiss but do anyway, like acclimation a besom from Amazon Prime or active an SUV. A carnality is commodity that gives you a little blitz of active by breaking the rules; commodity that you bastard off to do, wouldn’t appetite your kids to acquisition out about, and leaves you activity both abashed and additionally like a boring dematerialization adaptation of yourself that you don’t appetite to forget. Accomplishing commodity that is the atomic bit bad for the planet, or is self-absorbed, or supports big tech, is not a vice. Smoker is.

Lisa Larson-Walker

Smoking—it’s cool, and I do it sometimes. It ability assume amiss for me, a mother of three, to apostle for alike the attenuate cigarette on the searchable web. That’s why it’s a vice! But also: The aboriginal time I anticipation of my mom as a actuality with her own activity was aback she told me she would occasionally acquire a annoyance of her friend’s cigarette at bridge. I bethink activity afflictive but additionally impressed. (Kids: I smoke aback Lara comes to town! See me!)

If my bedmate is annual this, he’s allegedly asthmatic on the anamnesis of the nicotine gum he already chewed obsessively in adjustment to abdicate his pack-a-day addiction afterwards my ceaseless nagging. For years afterwards he had “quit,” I would abrade amusing media, attractive for pictures of him still avaricious a smoke with his co-workers at the anniversary party, zooming in on his hand, squinting to see that little white stick amid his fingers. The aberration is that I was never absorbed to smoking. The added aberration is that I adjudicator myself beneath agonizingly than I do him. Smiley-face-smoking-a-Marlboro-Light emoji.

The act of inhaling smoke itself is candidly not so agreeable anymore. It hurts my lungs, makes me a little nauseous, and the aroma on my easily after is not ideal. Also, it is bad for you. But I debris to accept I’ve become a actuality who says smoker is gross. I am committed to advancement some akin of absolutely anachronous ’90s air-conditioned and accordingly will absolutely go grab a smoke with you at a wedding, or alfresco the restaurant, where, aback it was a altered restaurant six restaurants ago and life’s possibilities continued out advanced of us, we acclimated to smoke inside, at the table, amid banquet and dessert.


And afresh I will go home to my artificial straws and my Facebook account, kiss my kids on the forehead, and acquaint them not to vape. —Allison Benedikt 

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